All my friends are dating… what now?

Oh, the joys of singlehood. I truly mean that. Singlehood was one of my favorite seasons. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed dating and I am thriving in all things married life, but there’s just some special about singlehood. 

I remember when my friends started dating it seemed as if everyone got the memo but me. I was in college. I had not dated before and I really wasn’t planning on dating. I was convinced that I would be single for the rest of my life and in my late 20s I would eventually adopt all the babies that didn’t have a home. While my heart longed to love and be loved, dating just didn’t seem to be a part of the cards. I also saw many friends go through heartaches from one relationship to another which aided in my disinterest in dating. I can also give credit to Robin Jones Gunn. If you’ve ever read the Christy Miller Series you’d understand. I prayed for my Todd. I even wrote letters to my future husband. In my heart, however, I just felt that being in a relationship was just too far out of reach. 

I eventually became the only single girl in my friend group. It felt pretty pathetic honestly. I was always the third wheel, the last to be invited, and often felt as if the invite was mostly out of pity than want. I wasn’t upset. I understood entirely. I applaud my friends who had the courage to invite me in my singleness. It was probably awkward knowing I would show up without a plus one. Nonetheless, the single era was one of my absolute favorites. Honestly, as each season transitioned into another they became my favorite, but singlehood was something special. As I am reflecting I can see the tremendous beauty in it. I was able to grow, form deep and meaningful relationships, branch out of my circle of friends, travel, and try new things. I was even able to heal in areas that I dared not venture to explore and become “the me” and I wanted to marry someday. 

Did I long to be in a relationship? Absolutely. I experienced many lonely days. However, whenever that longing to be in a relationship crept in I truly had to examine myself. Why did I want to be in a relationship? I knew I wasn’t ready and I knew my desire to be in a relationship was simply rooted in my need to fit in with the rest of my friends. Those are both poor reasons to be in a relationship.

Poor reasons to be in a relationship:

  • Because you’re lonely
  • Feeling left out
  • Someone is convenient 

The idea of having a boyfriend sounded great, but I knew deep down it just wasn’t time. Had I been in a relationship because someone was convenient and wanted to take the title of boyfriend, I could have done plenty of damage. I would have ended up hurting the person and myself. That desperation does no one any good. Too often we become focused on having the title of being in a relationship than actually pursuing someone with the right intentions. In singleness, I learned what was important during that time of my life. 

Things to do in singlehood: 

  • Form deep and meaningful relationships
  • Branch out of my circle of friends
  • Travel
  • Try new things
  • Become a better you

While singleness can be lonely, I’d dare to say that it is only lonely if we choose to make it lonely. Rather than depending on your friends who are in a relationship to find time for you, put yourself out there. Find new friend groups, new circles, and new communities. Find a friend who also is the only single one in their friend group. Form your own P.O. Box Club. That’s P for Pals and O for Only (another Christy Miller Series reference). Be friends with guys, and form bonds and relationships with people you wouldn’t have. Travel the world with your girlfriends. Try new things and explore all of God’s wonder. Most of all, become the person you want to marry. If you’re not great at money management, become great. If you’re not great at listening, giving support, fitness, healthy eating, volunteering, investing, being dependable, trustworthy, clean and the list goes on, become great at those things. Those are not just great traits to have, but they are a part of Christian living. I am sure your plan is not to settle, correct? Well, don’t give others the ability to say that whoever you end up dating settled by dating you. 

All in all, have fun while you are single. Watch cheesy Hallmark romantic movies and cry if you have to, but don’t dwell in the rut of singlehood. Get up, get out there and live. You are in your prime. Believe me, singlehood is wonderful. Everything about it is great. Pray for your future spouse. Write letters to them and ask God to not rush this season you are in, but in His timing, open the door wide and big!

“Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.”

Proverbs 19:2

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