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Technically right; Functionally wrong

If you are black and white like I am, you are probably big on people doing the right thing and doing as the law says. When it comes to your family and close friends, you are probably the harshest and hardest with them. We place higher standards for those closest to us and we’re quick to correct in the name of the law! We often say “You know better,” or “You ‘should’ know better.” My nephew Izzy in his sweet innocent voice would say “Do better!” We may be technically right in what we are saying, but functionally wrong in our approach. We don’t realize that in our technicality we are a pharisee allowing principle to take precedence over the person. 

I was an RA (Residential Assistant) at the university I attended. Among the list of duties, one was to ensure that students were abiding by the dress code and rules of conduct. Naturally, I thought this should come easy for everyone. Rules are easy to follow, at least for me they never really posed a problem. Well, I was in for a surprise. It wasn’t until I became an RA that the pharisee in me was revealed. I learned that there IS a right and wrong way to uphold principles. One way that most of us tend to lean towards is the self-righteous approach. Whenever we allow the principle to take the lead we’ve missed the root of Christianity entirely. We are called to love others and help those who are heading in the wrong direction, not give them another reason to hate Christianity. Correction with the wrong intent causes us to say things we shouldn’t say, react versus respond and hurt those around us in the process. We probably won’t admit it, but we feel good about ourselves because suddenly we look really good as the rule follower and the one we exposed or who did wrong is naked in their sin and shame. 

Self-righteousness is lethal in nature. It not only hurts and destroys others, but it also ends up suicidal where our heart is exposed by the motive of darkness. Self-righteousness attacks others while injuring itself. We are quick to slander others lacking the foresight that we’re speaking from a messy and ugly heart that eventually will get exposed likewise. While sin was initially the target, whenever functioned from self-righteousness the person as a whole becomes our victim. There’s no healing done or reconciliation of sin, only pain and hurt. 

I’ve found that a lot of self-righteousness stems from jealousy. This type of jealousy leads us to demonize others (family and friends especially) in the name of being right. Our focus becomes pointing out others’ sins and mistakes. We become gossipers and slanders in the process as well as flawed critics too proud to see that we’re plucking the speck from someone else’s eyes when there’s a plank in ours. Matthew 12:36 states: 

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.

The tongue is one of the smallest yet most powerful weapons we have. If you are a follower of Christ Matthew 12:36 should be on your list of terrifying verses. We will give an account for every idle word. Those are words that are used to slander, gossip, self-righteously destroy and list goes on. Let me clarify, you may be right in what you say, but wrong in how you say it and even more so wrong in your approach. How we treat and speak about those in sin says a lot about what’s really in our hearts. Self-righteousness exposes for the sake of looking good about oneself and destroying the lives of others in the process. Humility understands that lost people do lost things and love covers a multitude of sins. 

So for you, the black-and-white reader, evaluate your why for addressing sin and principle. Are they pure intentions or simply for self-gain? Take a hard look in the mirror before you inflict injury with your words. You will find that you’re carrying a lot of junk that you would hope someone would handle with compassion and mercy. 

If you are reading this and you’ve been hurt by someone that is self-righteous, remember that a gentle answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). Be kind to those who are mean. Extend mercy to those who are critical. And love those who are difficult to love. The Christlike thing to do is love in the midst of hurt. 

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Are you pregnant yet?

My least favorite question. It makes me cringe and it places unnecessary pressure to get to the next phase of adulthood. While I understand the intentions are mostly pure, that question can trigger harsh emotions for many women. 

A group of friends and I were hanging out and the topic of children came up. Of the group of us, one was a new mom and another was on her second. We were all enjoying the company of the baby in our midst and naturally, the topic of motherhood and childbearing came up. Each married woman chimed in on when they are planning if they are trying and their hopeful timeline. I kept silent mainly due to the food crammed in my mouth enjoying the conversation at hand and the hearts of that sharing. Then I got directed to a question: 

“Are you interested in having children Vash?” 

I was caught off guard and choked on the chips and guac in my mouth. I wasn’t upset or applauded by the question, but rather intrigued by the way the question was phrased. Never before was I asked if I was interested in having children. It was always “WHEN are you having children.” Before answering the question I asked my friend why she phrased the question the way she did. Her response overwhelmed my heart with conviction and with great appreciation for her sensitive heart. In a nutshell, she revealed that at a family event, a family member of hers was being bombarded by the older parents and grandparents about when she and her husband would have children. Seeing the pain in her eyes, my friend shut the whole group up and told them to quit asking. Later she found out that her family member and husband were actually trying for some years now and had not been able to conceive. That’s when she realized how powerful the word “WHEN” is and how much pain it can bring to someone who’s silently hurting over the pressures of others and longing to conceive while others judge the lack of offspring. 

I was convicted because I too have asked the question using the word “when.” While my intentions are pure much like many others, we have no clue what is happening behind closed doors of the woman the question is being directed at. She may have been trying for years. She has had a couple of miscarriages. She may not be able to have children due to genetics or medical conditions. Whatever her story is, that question poses pressure and deep pain for many women. 

“Are you interested…” approaches the topic of childbearing with grace. At least for me, it did. I didn’t feel pressured to give a response that would suit the room. I  didn’t feel guilty for not being a mom as yet. I responded with confidence that my husband and I aren’t quite ready yet and we don’t plan to start trying until a couple more years. The power was shifted to me. My sweet friend gave me the power to respond in confidence. No pressure, no shame, and no guilt. Rather, confidence. 

My challenge to you is to approach the topic of childbearing with more sensitivity. Newly married couples do not need to be pressured to move on to the next phase of life. Let that happen in God’s timing. Couples who have been married for a couple of years do not need to feel guilt and shame for not being parents “yet.” You don’t know their story. Instead, pray for them. 

I will end with this. Be kind to those around you. Love those that are hurting and remember to think before you speak. 

“Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.”

Proverbs 19:2

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All my friends are married… what now?

Finally! You are in a relationship. You’re no longer the single one. You proudly hold the title of girlfriend/boyfriend. You’re not the third wheel. You have someone to do life with hopefully forever, however, all you’re friends are married now. They can do married things and while you’re just getting used to holding hands with who you believe will be your spouse someday, you don’t want to rush things. You want to enjoy the dating season, but how can you when everyone else is married and enjoying the wonders of married life? Your friends are going on couples trips and attending marriage classes and seminars while you’re new to the dating scene. Wonderful isn’t it? You got your answered prayer only for everyone else to keep moving on with their lives while you’re just starting yours (dating life that is). 

When Jarrod and I started dating I had to pinch myself often. It felt like a dream. Having a boyfriend was a big deal. For those of you who know our story, you understand. Getting into my family is no walk in the park. There was lots of waiting and lots of trying again and again until Dad and three brothers said yes. Pretty intense, but Jarrod was the guy to push through. He didn’t give up when the criticism came. He didn’t give up when dad said “not yet.” He didn’t give up when my very protective brothers drilled him. He also didn’t give up when I gave him a hard time or times for that matter. Jarrods persistence along with the Lord’s leading, subtle nudge, and peace made everything align just perfectly. I couldn’t be more excited for what the future held, but I also wasn’t ready to be a wife. Looking back, had Jarrod and I dated when he first asked my dad for permission we would have failed to represent the heart of God in more ways than one. We just weren’t ready yet. When we started dating I felt a shift in my heart and God began to stir new areas of growth that could only be done in the walk of dating. 

The first 6 months of dating were amazing. All the new things and the new adventures. We talked a bunch. There was just so much to learn about each other. As our friends started getting married, however, I started feeling that maybe we should get married too. Silly me. We were in no place to get married. I had to remind myself something my grandma use to tell my siblings and me while growing up, “Paciencia, nene…” From a child I was impatient. Impatient waiting for food. Impatient while I ate and impatient to move on to the next activity of the day. I haven’t changed much honestly. My husband often tells me I am the worst at being patient. I don’t get wild fuming, I just get whatever needs to be done, done rather than waiting for him. I really don’t recommend doing that, but if you’re like me, you’re not alone. I am working on it, and can proudly say my husband has noticed I’ve gotten a TAD BIT better at it. Now back to me wanting to get married 6 months into dating. Yes, I was eager.

Poor reasons to get married:

  • Because everyone else is married
  • In order to please your significant other
  • For selfish reasons

Everyone else was married and in my juvenile and immature mind, I thought that if we got married then I wouldn’t feel so left out or behind. I thought this whole love thing was a race and I needed to be in the first place. I didn’t vocalize this to Jarrod. I wouldn’t dare. I would have probably scared him, after all, he went through trying to get a “yes” from my family to even date me. He needed time to recoup before he asked permission for the marriage.

I think he knew I was wrestling because he would often remind me to enjoy where we were at. At a year in I realized how fun it was to be dating and at a year and a half, we discovered new things and boy did things get even sweeter. We slowly introduced holding hands and sweet kisses. Jarrod had my heart and I was beginning to understand what love is. As we approached the two-year mark there was a shift in my heart that longed to serve Jarrod. I longed to submit under him and I knew I was ready to be married. But I couldn’t rush things. Even though Jarrod and I had the talk about marriage, I had to keep waiting. I didn’t dare rush. I knew it was coming soon and I ensured every day I was his girlfriend I enjoyed every moment of it because until then I realized that seasons do shift pretty quickly and if our focus is solely on getting to the next, we miss what’s happening right before us. 

Things to do while dating: 

  • Get to know each other (ask the tough questions, share the good and, not so good and ugly)
  • Branch out of your circle of friends and don’t neglect your single ones
  • Travel with your married friends and have them keep you accountable
  • Travel with your girlfriends and guy friends 
  • Serve together and serve individually 
  • Become a better you

If you are in the dating season, don’t rush it. I’d even loup the engagement season in that too. It’s a wonderful season that goes before your eyes as fast as you can blink. Judah and the Lion wrote the song Landslide which perfectly illustrates how quickly life can transition from one season to another. 

“I climbed a mountain, then I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills

‘Til the landslide brought me down”

Before you know it your reflection is a part of history. A history we can either choose to be a part of or only have vague memories of. The writer King Solomon knew this all too well. He advises readers in Proverbs 19:2

“Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.”

What we often desire we know nothing of. We desire to love and know not how to love. We desire companionship and have been poor friends to those around us. We desire grand things when we’ve been a slob at living (ouch). Take some time, clear your mind, and truly evaluate why you desire what you’re desiring. If it’s simply to gratify want and flesh, run. Run far from it. The best source for wisdom and understanding is the book that is founded on it. That’s the Bible. Don’t rush the season you’re in. Enjoy where you are at and truly live a life with no regrets. 

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All my friends are dating… what now?

Oh, the joys of singlehood. I truly mean that. Singlehood was one of my favorite seasons. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed dating and I am thriving in all things married life, but there’s just some special about singlehood. 

I remember when my friends started dating it seemed as if everyone got the memo but me. I was in college. I had not dated before and I really wasn’t planning on dating. I was convinced that I would be single for the rest of my life and in my late 20s I would eventually adopt all the babies that didn’t have a home. While my heart longed to love and be loved, dating just didn’t seem to be a part of the cards. I also saw many friends go through heartaches from one relationship to another which aided in my disinterest in dating. I can also give credit to Robin Jones Gunn. If you’ve ever read the Christy Miller Series you’d understand. I prayed for my Todd. I even wrote letters to my future husband. In my heart, however, I just felt that being in a relationship was just too far out of reach. 

I eventually became the only single girl in my friend group. It felt pretty pathetic honestly. I was always the third wheel, the last to be invited, and often felt as if the invite was mostly out of pity than want. I wasn’t upset. I understood entirely. I applaud my friends who had the courage to invite me in my singleness. It was probably awkward knowing I would show up without a plus one. Nonetheless, the single era was one of my absolute favorites. Honestly, as each season transitioned into another they became my favorite, but singlehood was something special. As I am reflecting I can see the tremendous beauty in it. I was able to grow, form deep and meaningful relationships, branch out of my circle of friends, travel, and try new things. I was even able to heal in areas that I dared not venture to explore and become “the me” and I wanted to marry someday. 

Did I long to be in a relationship? Absolutely. I experienced many lonely days. However, whenever that longing to be in a relationship crept in I truly had to examine myself. Why did I want to be in a relationship? I knew I wasn’t ready and I knew my desire to be in a relationship was simply rooted in my need to fit in with the rest of my friends. Those are both poor reasons to be in a relationship.

Poor reasons to be in a relationship:

  • Because you’re lonely
  • Feeling left out
  • Someone is convenient 

The idea of having a boyfriend sounded great, but I knew deep down it just wasn’t time. Had I been in a relationship because someone was convenient and wanted to take the title of boyfriend, I could have done plenty of damage. I would have ended up hurting the person and myself. That desperation does no one any good. Too often we become focused on having the title of being in a relationship than actually pursuing someone with the right intentions. In singleness, I learned what was important during that time of my life. 

Things to do in singlehood: 

  • Form deep and meaningful relationships
  • Branch out of my circle of friends
  • Travel
  • Try new things
  • Become a better you

While singleness can be lonely, I’d dare to say that it is only lonely if we choose to make it lonely. Rather than depending on your friends who are in a relationship to find time for you, put yourself out there. Find new friend groups, new circles, and new communities. Find a friend who also is the only single one in their friend group. Form your own P.O. Box Club. That’s P for Pals and O for Only (another Christy Miller Series reference). Be friends with guys, and form bonds and relationships with people you wouldn’t have. Travel the world with your girlfriends. Try new things and explore all of God’s wonder. Most of all, become the person you want to marry. If you’re not great at money management, become great. If you’re not great at listening, giving support, fitness, healthy eating, volunteering, investing, being dependable, trustworthy, clean and the list goes on, become great at those things. Those are not just great traits to have, but they are a part of Christian living. I am sure your plan is not to settle, correct? Well, don’t give others the ability to say that whoever you end up dating settled by dating you. 

All in all, have fun while you are single. Watch cheesy Hallmark romantic movies and cry if you have to, but don’t dwell in the rut of singlehood. Get up, get out there and live. You are in your prime. Believe me, singlehood is wonderful. Everything about it is great. Pray for your future spouse. Write letters to them and ask God to not rush this season you are in, but in His timing, open the door wide and big!

“Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.”

Proverbs 19:2

Purchase the Christy Miller Series:https://christymiller.com/series-timeline

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Test your limits

Happy New Year! With the start of every new year, we have many opportunities to change, grow and become a better version of ourselves. To some degree, we get to test what we’re capable of at the start of the year with our new year resolution and goals. These are all the grand things we have in mind to accomplish, break or change. For most of us, we wait until the start of the year to get at it. We have high hopes for what’s to come however there’s always that tinge of doubt and fear. Too often we’ve allowed these fears, insecurity, and doubts to keep us where we’ve always been. We quit entirely the moment we slip up. We give up when life becomes difficult. We push it off to the next year because we’re uncomfortable with the uncomfort of the disciplined life. Let’s face it, we’ve become okay with being a quitter. 

We’ve adopted this mindset in our Christian walk, our 9-5 jobs, hobby, and the list goes on. We’ve said it’s okay to be stuck while our talents, capabilities, and bodies are literally wasting away. How many of us can do so much more, but we’ve become satisfied with the mundane? Whether you are a believer or not, we’ve each been awarded a lot of talents/gifts/capabilities. We will give an account of how we utilized our time, our talents/gifts, how we steward our bodies, opportunities and the list goes on. Some day we will give an account. I believe that account will be given to our creator, God. If we’re merely walking through life and satisfied with that, I’d dare say we’ve got it wrong. If we’re not actively utilizing every opportunity to test ourselves and become a better version of who we are we will not know what we are capable of. 

Reasons why we don’t test our limits: 

  1. Fear
  2. Doubts
  3. Insecurity 
  4. Comparison

I’ve learned to stretch myself. I’ve learned the importance of being uncomfortable. I’ve learned that life is more than simply following a 9-5 routine and ending the day binge-watching shows. There’s more to life than scrolling on our phones. We’ve created grand excuses to justify why we can’t, rather than making our cants a reality. Studies show that the average user spends two and a half hours daily on social media in 2022. Half of our time on our phones in 2022 is reserved for social media. Studies also show that dedicating at least 20 minutes per day can lead to learning a new skill like a new language or instrument. Other studies show that as a general goal, we should aim for at least 30 minutes of intense physical activity/training every day to lose weight, maintain weight loss or meet specific fitness goals. Lastly, taking 20 minutes to read every day can boost mental health, improves critical-thinking skills, and expand vocabulary. We make excuses when all it takes is 30 minutes or less for improvement. 

Dreams do not become a reality until we quit making excuses. I encourage you to rid of the excuses and truly take change seriously. Don’t let the 2023 year slip by and you look back realizing you’re at the same place you’ve always been. What you do today is a part of the history you leave behind. You are capable of greatness. Test your limits. If you fall, get back up again. Get uncomfortable and do that thing!

Matthew 25:14-30

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Beautiful Mess: Seeing the upraise beauty in the mess before you

2022 has proven to be a challenging year and we’re not even through it. Jarrod and I as husband and wife have faced more discouragement and disappointments than we were prepared for. There’ve been nights where I cried myself to sleep in Jarrod’s embrace. There have been moments where we both just sat in disbelief and silence. There have been days where we prayed out of desperation and clung to the one thing we knew, hope. Despite the blows, I am proud that we choose not to fight with each other, but rather to stand with each other and fight on our knees. Don’t get me wrong, when things got chaotic, we did have our moments, however, we remembered who and what we were fighting against.

A lot of this year if not most of this year’s pits have been a result of external circumstances going south. You probably can relate. It’s fair to say we’ve all faced some type of mess in our life. Our minds and heart can often get muddy in these situations. We ponder our purpose. We ponder life and we ponder the goodness of God. These disappointments, both external and internal, can disrupt the pattern of a sustainable life. It affects both your mental and physical health. It did just that for us. 

Most recently we had some issues with our home water system that left us without water for a bit. For someone who enjoys her morning and nighttime showers, this was a big deal. I realize how pathetic I may sound, but for me, this was the last straw. In the pit, I sent Jarrod a text listing all the 12 things that went wrong this year. 

I was sitting in our living room curled up in a ball smelling like salt and a hint of snot. Not my proudest moment. When I read Jarrod’s response, I immediately was convicted by something the Lord impressed on my heart at the beginning of this year, “Remember..”

At the start of this year, many of my prayers consisted of “teach me to remember your goodness, Lord.” At the time, not much had gone wrong. But as each blow came one after the other, that prayer became less frequent. The crazy part is, had I made a list of all the incredible doors opened, answered prayers, and opportunities we had this year, it would double if not triple the list I had sent to my husband. 

In the moment, the mess we face may not appear all glamorous. For the most part, it probably isn’t, however, there is an uprise beauty in the messes we face. The beauty is the strength we gain. The beauty is character growth. The beauty is the grit we develop that prepares us for steeper and tougher climbs. The reality is, we get to choose to remain in the pit and mess. Our mindset and approach to life’s messes say a lot about our emotional and spiritual health. When we allow the mess to become our identity and rule how we approach life we shift authority from God. We take matters into our own hands and we indirection (and directly) tell God, He’s not sufficient. I did just that. I hit rock bottom and in hitting rock bottom I realized I lost sight of my source.

I will conclude with this. Remember God’s goodness. Remember the days He brought you through. Remember the doors He’s opened. Train yourself to see the good despite the circumstance. That is not denying your circumstance, rather it is acknowledging you trust a known God with an unknown and unpredictable future. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 
Proverbs 3:5-6

Side note: I would even challenge you to dive into the entire chapter of Proverbs 3. There’s meat that’s worth chewing on. 

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New Mom Series: Remember You.

In conclusion to the New Mom Series, again I write not from the heart of a new mom that has walked through this role from personal experience, rather I write in hopes of being a mom someday that can maybe reflect on what I wrote. I’ve stressed over the past two weeks the difficulties that come with new mom life based on my research and observation. One of the biggest challenges I’ve stumbled upon is forgetting oneself. Rightly so, wrapped up in all things motherhood, I too believe it would be easy to forget all and bask in the squishiness and baby joys. It would be selfish to do otherwise. It would be selfish to think of anyone else other than the miracle before you. The women I glean to have reflected on their journey however say otherwise. That Proverbs 31 woman who neglects not self stressing the importance of remembering self; keeping the priority on God, spouse, and others. Seemingly selfish, however, the idea here is that the best version of you will be compromised if you follow any other model of doing life. In order to give your young suckling the best version of yourself you need not forget your growth in Christ and your love for your spouse. Hurting either or both has torn apart marriages and produced women who have to lose themself due to a lack of care for themselves and the man they once loved. These stories broke my heart. It’s understandable but the understanding doesn’t and shouldn’t be the pass of justifiability. 

So, to you. Remember you. Keep your mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional self a priority. Remember your spouse. He’s in this with you. Remember to be selfish. With the cries of a young child, you are important. Remember you. There is no condemnation. There is no shame. You are a mom. You are a mom that can do hard things! 

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
2 Corinthians 1:20 

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New Mom Series: Childbearing

Continuing the series on the new mom life, I wanted to touch very briefly on birthing a child. Disclaimer, I have absolutely no experience on this topic, but like the blog that initiated this series, I write not from the heart of a new mom that has walked through childbearing, rather I write in hopes of being a mom someday that can maybe reflect on what I wrote. In preparation for this blog, I did some research. I’ve read and heard of different women’s birth stories and compared/contrasted them as I went along. Some walked through a fairly easy birth while others edured immense pain from pushing a child through the birth cannal as well as unexpected happenings that shift what they had in mind as a solid plan. What I gathered from all these stories is that no matter how much we plan and prepare, birthing a child comes with many unexpected events. For some women, the expected life never became their reality and the challenges that come from losing a life so young and fragile coupled with walking home empty-handed and emptied in the heart is both gut-wrenching and humbling. 

The birth story is different for every woman. The journey walked cannot be compared with another. While there may be similarities, they each hold uniqueness to each respective female. I salute you who gave birth whether through vaginal birth or cesarean section. I salute you who endured childbearing medicated or unmedicated. I salute you who bear scars, stretch markes, and tears. In a world where we as women have been convinced the way to stand out is to degrade and ridicule the other, I say to heck with that narrative. It’s unbiblical and downright judgemental. While I do stand by remaining gritty with your life choices and not falling into the pressures the world brings, do what is best for you and your child. 

In my research of birth stories, I find one woman’s perspective who encourages women to do their research. Trust your gut and body she says. Above all, trust God’s plans. I couldn’t agree more. We are over-polluted with information. Everywhere we turn someone has something to say about what is right. We fail to see that birthing is not a 21st-century phenomenon. Childbearing and the birthing process have been around for centuries. Like we do with most things today, we’ve overcomplicated the process. Bottom line, in life’s approach, we should do what we believe is best for our and our child’s wellbeing. Don’t compare your story to any other. Trust God, trust the process, and remain rooted in your convictions. To myself, I encourage the same when the time comes. 

You can do hard things!

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
2 Corinthians 1:20
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New Mom Series: New Mom Life

I know what you’re thinking. I have no business writing about being a new mom because I am not one. I get that. While I write not from the heart of a new mom, I write in hopes of being a mom someday and something maybe I can reflect on whenever that time comes. I should also clarify that my husband and I are not trying so I will save you the excitement there. Now back to the blog…

I have many friends who are new moms or have been around the block for some time as a parent and wives. Watching from the sidelines I can see that there’s quite a bit that comes with the transition from non-parent to parenthood coupled with being a wife and an individual. There are pains that come with being a mom as well as there are joys. 

I’ve watched friends announce the joys of becoming a mom only for that moment to be shortlived with the heartwrenching reality of lost life in the womb. I grieve for those women whose worlds have turned upside down as they question life, who they are, and the name they longed to be called by the voice of the innocent, “mommy.” I watch as these women grace new mom life without the evidence of life in the form of a child. They grieve their pain while continuing the walk before them. To that woman, I see you. While you may feel alone, you are not. I pray for you who I call a friend that you may find healing and joy even in your losses. That you will cling to hope found in Jesus. I see you walking this new mom life without the evidence of a breathing child here on earth but I want you to know that despite the lack of evidence for the world to see, that doesn’t remove the fact that you are a mom. You are a mom. You are a mom that can do hard things!

To the mom who is approaching or has gone through labor and is walking through postpartum and feels freshly new to this new mom life, I see you. You’re wearing the joy of motherhood well behind tired eyes and messy buns. You’re taking on a new life in many forms and you’re doing so well. You’ve made mistakes already. You’ve cried from frustration. You’ve felt alone some days while you sit in silence as your baby suckles it’s natural. You’re not alone momma. Your body has changed. Your hormones are wildly confused as you are. Life is different and the old norm is no more. This new life you have before you brings fresh miracles of joy. Somedays it’s hard to see. Somedays you question your purpose. Is there more? Absolutely there is but I encourage you to see that motherhood is enough. You are a mom. You are a mom that can do hard things!

From my observations, the new mom life is difficult and in the difficulty there’s beauty. I hope to remember that. I hope to remember when that time comes to give myself grace. When that time comes, I hope to remember I am a mom that can do hard things. I hope, and I pray that when that time comes I will remember to find joy and dwell not in the difficulty of my body and hormones changing, of routine changes, and the losses that come with my old life transitioning into a new season. I pray to remember I am a mom, I am a person and I have a purpose with being a mom and outside of the beautiful title of motherhood.

You can do hard things.

For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
2 Corinthians 1:20
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You’ve got to quit to succeed

My husband and I have been through quite the transition these past couple of months. We started the year 2022 with the goal in mind to try new things, go big, and make risky moves. Both of us have passions and desires of our own and while they may not be the same, we’ve managed to help each other and provide insight, wisdom, and encouragement as we pursue said passions that are intertwined in our purpose as individuals and as husbands and wives. While I cannot say I’ve made major big moves and as a means to not come across as braggadocious (this is not the “here’s what I’ve done blog), I am choosing to focus on someone that I greatly admire and who inspired today’s blog. That’s right, my husband, Jarrod Pisors. 

Entering the year 2022, my husband and I prayed about what the year had for us and we prayed for boldness to go after the big, hard, and risky things. We prayed about the direction for the year and that the Lord would ordain our steps. We’ve made risky steps. Some worked and some haven’t. We made grand plans that fell through and others that fell into our laps without even trying. We are not even through the year 2022 and have cried many tears of disappointment and victories. In all, we’ve learned and my learning from my husband, you must quit in order to succeed. Quit what you may ask. Well, here are the five areas I’ve watched first hand my husband quit as he scaled his brand and businesses: 

  1. Doubts – the underlying reason so many of us don’t even attempt to take a step is that we are stuck in imaginative thinking. Granted, some of our doubts are valid, however, unless those doubts become actual reality, they remain wishful thinking. Some dear friend of ours encouraged Jarrod and me to refuse to be cold timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. Cold timid souls remain stuck in doubt. They refused to move. They’re crippled by fear of the unknown they’ve created for themselves. That’s the first thing Jarrod quit. He quit telling himself he couldn’t and he did. 
  2. Excuses – this exists because we live in doubt. Our excuses are our way of justifying why we choose to remain in our rut. Yes, you read that correctly. It is a choice. When we allow our doubts to take the form of our imaginative reality, they become the excuses that keep us locked in that cold damp cave of “I can’t.” Jarrod quit the excuses and his “I can’t” shifted to “I will.” Jarrod started repeating each day in the mirror “I will…” and his confidence increased with every repetition of those words that started off as a whisper. He slapped excuses in the face and took the bull by the horn. Gutsy? Absolutely. 
  3. Noise – whenever you venture into anything new there will be people (family and friends included) who will become noise to your aspirations and goals. They will be your “You can’t” whispering in your ear motivating you to quit. Do they all mean bad, no? Those who whisper these doubts and fears are a reflection of their own doubts and fear crippling them inside. The noise will encourage you to quit. The noise will tell you that you will fail. The noise will even mock and laugh at you. Jarrod however, in his masculine nature shut the noise by humbling himself in prayer. I’ve caught him numerous times in our bedroom face flat on the ground praying and crying as worship music filled the air. A presence of calm and humble arrogance cultivated when he remembered his why. The noise easily can drown by our why because reality is, that’s far bigger and grander than words that fall flat to the ground that has no bearing on your purpose.
  4. Bad habits – can be anything from spending too much time on your phone, saying yes to everyone, sleeping in too late, watching too much television, or feeding your mind with unnecessary and meaningless content. Bad habits hold us back from succeeding. It takes up precious and valuable space and time. Quitting these areas will ruffle feathers. People will mock you for “being different.” They won’t understand why you’re being selective to events and pumping “too much time” into building your business or brand. Jarrod became selfish. He got and still gets a lot of heat because of his dedication. He quit time wasting and pumped time into his business. As his wife, even I had to learn and adjust to his “absence.” Rather than complain he was always in his office, I joined him. I found ways where I could help and be an asset.
  5. Job – yes. Sometimes (not always) you will need to quit your job. Dream big, so big that your goal is to become your own boss. That’s if that’s your goal. That was Jarrods and is now his reality. He literally resigned from his job. Two businesses built up to a point that could hold us over. He took the plunge and has continued to scale. Quitting comes with its own challenges. You no longer have the security of consistent paychecks. You decide how much you make. You have to find jobs. You have to rework your budget and priorities. You also need to be aware of laws and regulations in running your own business. Most importantly, you become greatly aware of your dependence on God. Jarrod and I have learned to pray over our businesses and to rely on God and not our own strength. We’ve faced hiccups along the way but have made it a priority to not allow the disruptions in running our own business to bring a wedge between us. He especially continues to resort back to our purpose and the why.

Whatever your dream is, move from it simply being a dream to it becoming a reality. All you need to do is take one step. And that one step will turn into many other steps. 

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. 
Psalm 37:3-6