Tag: power of words

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Quit speaking that over your life!

  • I am stupid.
  • I am ugly.
  • I am not good enough.
  • I am too old.
  • I am too young.
  • I am incapable.

According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of our thoughts are negative. A lot of our thoughts about life and ourselves are pessimistic. We outwardly walk around in melancholy. A dark cloud over our heads exposing our dejected thoughts. Some of us conceal our despondent thoughts in hopes that the world would be blind to our insecurity as we cover up in nice clothes, fancy things and artistic instagram posts.

Think for a second. What is one negative thing you repeatedly say about yourself or think to yourself on a daily basis? What is that insecurity you say to yourself that haunts you at night and interrupts your thoughts each day? The words you speak, shape who you are. Whether through mere confessional joking or the thoughts you entertain that stirs insecurity; those words crystallizes and then shapes your belief about self, forms your character and establishes your worldview. What you speak will be what you become.

If you’ve read the historical fiction novel by American author Kathryn Stockett, The Help, or seen the film adaptation, there’s this moment where Nanny Aibileen Clack tells Mae Mobley, to repeat what she said. Nanny Aibileen’s words to Mae Mobley were, “You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important.” Nanny Aibileen wasn’t just doing a nice thing by saying those words. She noticed insecurity developing in Mae Mobley at the ripe age of 2 due to the neglect she received from her birth mom. Nanny Aiblineen needed Mae Mobley to speak words of perfect truth because she knew that whatever Mae Mobley, or anyone for that matter spoke of themselves, would be who they would become.

My husband is my Nanny Aibileen. There are days where I wake up and I all I can say about myself are negative things. I’d tell myself, I am ugly, I am too fat, I am not capable and I am just not cut out for it. That’s when Jarrod will scoop me up in his big arms, take my face in his hands and look me dead in the eye and tell me “Quit speaking that over your life!” He’d follow that by challenging me to speak absolute truths. He doesn’t let me wallow in the negative talking. He stops me in my tracks and challenges me to speak truth not death over my life. Face it, we have bad days, but bad days can easily turn into bad weeks, months and years if we allow ourselves to constantly speak words of death over our lives.

Words that stir poor self esteem, and low self worth are words of death. They kill our drive, kill our confidence and kill our character. Words of life, does exactly what the word is. It gives life. It stirs motivation, gives hope to each day and build our character. King Solomon wrote in Proverbs 18:21,

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Simply put, whatever you speak over your life will be what you produce. If you speak you are stupid, ugly, not enough, too old, too young or incapable, you will live out those words exactly. Maybe not to others, but when you look in the mirror, that will be all you will see. It is far more than seeing though. You will act out what you speak. If you tell yourself you are stupid, you will make no efforts to learn. If you tell yourself you are ugly, you will make no effort in your outward appearance. If you tell yourself you are too young or too old, you will keep living in excuses and never live to your true potential. If you keep telling yourself you are incapable, you will never walk through doors of opportunity.

Champions make adjustments. Everyone else, make excuses. Whether you believe it or not, speak truth of life over your life. Be the champion and make adjustments. Excuses will keep you in the rut. Excuses will keep you defeated. Excuses will keep you from accomplishing your goals, from becoming a better you and from making a difference. Excuses rob your potential. Champion on! Now, quit speaking that[death] over your life.

As Nanny Aibileen Clack would say, You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important. Now say that out loud until you believe it.

Have you used words of death as an excuse to stay in the rut? What words have you spoken over your life that you need to rid of? Replace them with words of life!

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Live or die from criticism

“You need to grow a backbone, move on and woman up!” I’ve had to tell myself that quite a bit. Here’s something you’ll learn about me. I am a hardcore words of affirmation girl. I don’t need a plethora of lavished words. Rather, I just need to know that I did good. That personality doesn’t bode well when you live in a world that’s filled with criticism and varying opinions. Not everyone will like you, like what you do and who you are. There will always be that one person that disagrees with you or criticizes you and who you are. What do you do when this happens?

Many of us die from criticism. The world falls apart when we’re told we didn’t do good enough, when someone’s tone is a bit harsh or when we’ve failed or messed up and hear the noise of criticism. Some of us get depressed, withdraw from the world and give up on our dreams. Why is that? Why for those of you, like me who thrive on compliments, die from criticism. Why do we live on compliments and hype? Is it because we hate negative things, maybe so. There is a bigger reason behind our response to criticism, though.

Before I get into that, let’s just take a moment to appreciate criticism. Yes, you read that right. Criticism isn’t all bad. While some criticism may come from a negative heart and agenda, most criticism isn’t all bad. Many times, the reason why there are successful people is because of criticism. Someone told a person they couldn’t do something, so said person did exactly what they were criticized not being able to do. Many times the discoveries we call science, is because someone challenged or criticized another that their goal was to create facts from their discovery and fight back the critique thrown at them.

Criticism has created some of the greatest inventors, discoveries, written literature, invention and men and women today. Here’s the biggest difference between those who allow criticism to kill versus those who’ve used it to propel them? Their, attitude. Your attitude is the biggest game changer and determining factor in whether you fail or succeed. I’ve failed many times and have learned to quit wallowing in failure, get back up and get back at it. You allow what criticism does to you. It’s not a matter of, “this is just how I am.” It’s a matter of choice in character. While most criticism isn’t easy to process, you decide what it does to you. Too often we’ve given words power over us rather than taking authority over it.

Here’s the thing, you cannot control what people have to say about you. You cannot change how people view you. Their opinions are theirs. Your response to their criticism and opinion is a direct result of who you believe you are and where you allow your worth to come from. If worth comes from less criticism and more agreement, you will never win. Worth is far greater than what the world has to say about you and me. It is far more than people pleasing. Greatest success is found when our confidence lies in the one who’ve created us. Success is found when we refuse to fail. When we’ve relinquished the power critique has over us and take authority over it. That is success. No longer do words control who we are and what we do. Rather, we fight against the words spoken over us and challenge that which challenged us, not with depression and withdrawing. Rather, we challenge with hope, perspective, and endurance.

Have you allowed criticism to control how you live? Have you taken a backseat and given criticism the ability to stir the way you live and think? You will lose quite a bit of years of growth in making words control what you do and how you view yourself. You are your worst critic when you allow criticism to control you. You get to choose what words do to you. While some words can be terribly harsh, you determine whether those words thrown at you fall on concrete and get blown away, or it falls on the soil of you heart and grows root of bitterness and fear to live and be the best you, you were created to be.

I was told I wasn’t smart. I was told I was slow and a dunce. I was criticized for how I pronounced certain words, for needing extra time to grasp certain concepts. I’ve been criticized for being a follower of Christ. I’ve even been criticized for my enjoyment in health and fitness. While I did get caught up in the words of criticism, it wasn’t until the realization that I have control and power over what those words do to me, was I able to challenge and combat criticism. I’ve used words thrown at me to become a better me. I welcome critique. I welcome the challenge. Not out of an attitude to prove people wrong. No, not at all. Rather, to grow the attitude within that heavily relies on people being pleased with me.

Don’t let criticism kill who you are, your dreams and goals. You have power in your response and attitude to the words spoken at you. There’s new life in criticism. New life to bring hope, challenge negative outlook and perspective. Not everyone will be on your team. That is perfectly okay. Don’t live your life trying to get that nod of approval from everyone. Rather, live life striving to become the best version of you. And the best version of you is who God has called you to be. The best version of you is the version that chooses to never give up.

Did you give up on who you are and your dreams because someone critiqued you? Have you allowed criticism to control who you are? How can you shift control today?

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Humiliation=Murder

One of my biggest pet peeve are humiliating people. No, not those that are humiliated. Those that DO the humiliating. Fun and Jokes aside, dissing or humiliation can do real damage. If we don’t watch our language, we can scar, bruise and permanently damage the posture of those around us. That’s not to say having fun is wrong, but if it’s at the expense of someone else, we’ve shifted from fun to bully.

When I was younger I was told by family that I was too “skinny.” Now I am by means skinny. When I was younger I was just your average girl. Today, I am more athletically built from activity running and lifting. I’ve always enjoyed fitness and health, but when I was younger choose to not make it a priority in order to not be “too skinny.” At one point I was even told I looked anorexic, sickly and my parents were told that “I have a problem” because I was running and always in the gym. It got so bad that I started to believe what was being said about me.

Let me tell you. Public humiliation can do some crazy damage on your image and self-esteem. I looked in the mirror and saw a distorted image because I was told my body was distorted. My parents of course, always had my back. They knew who they raised and they knew the passion I had and still have for physical and mental health. I’ve written about this prior, but the words spoken about me came from hurt people wanting to hurt others.

I remember the moment clearly. I was at a family function and endured what I can remember as the most life altering public humiliation I’ve experienced. I became the laughing stock for being “too thin.” After being publicly humiliated, I gave up gym and running entirely and the goal was to gain the affirmation that I no longer looked sickly. I needed to hear that I looked, right.

Elie Wiesel is one of the most famous survivor of the Holocaust. If you haven’t read his books, you should. Ariel Burger, a student of Elie Wiesel, recalls in her memoir of being in his classes a moment where he responds to a students question on the result of good and evil. She quotes Wiesel saying,

Never allow anyone to be humiliated in your presence. Whatever has happened in the past, we must deal with those who are here now.

Elie Wiesel

His basis on humiliation comes from the Jewish theory that humiliating a person in public is equivalent to murder. I couldn’t agree more. Humiliation, especially that in public, can kill a persons self-esteem, self-worth, and hopes and dreams. Public humiliation are murdering words that can crush your identity for years.

Having the parents that I have, they didn’t encourage me in my self-pity and wallowing. They told me that the words spoken over me were false and came from a place of personal hurt. As per norm, they always encouraged me to look through the offenders eyes and through the lens of compassions and mercy. Most importantly, they advised to never allow crushing words to crush the words I knew God wrote about me. If you didn’t know this, He wrote these words for you too. In Psalm 139, the author David writes poetic heavily words about your and my worth. In verses 13 and 14 specifically, he writes, 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My favorite line of those verses is, “I know that full well.” Often when humiliating words cruse and bruise us, it’s hard to know [believe] full well the truth God has spoken over our lives. But can I tell you something? For every humiliating word spoken over your life, I challenge you to speak over your life ten times more that which God has said about you. Don’t know any? Type in google, “What does the Bible say about my worth.” You’d be surprised! While this blog wasn’t intended to be one on self-worth, I want you to know you are absolutely worth it. If you have been publicly humiliated by a family member, friend, co-worker, or by-stander, take the humiliation and crush it with what God says about you. And if you want to be a little wild, try extending compassion and mercy to the one that did the humiliating. Hurting people that has left their hurt unaddressed, will always hurt in return. You however, have the power to choose what you do with the words spoken over you. Believe it, or run over it!

Have you been publicly humiliated? Has that crushed your self-esteem, self-worth, hopes and dreams? Find one truth God has said about you and write that down on your mirror today. Read it everyday until you start believing it that it crushes the humiliating words spoken over you!