Tag: pride

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Be the Beggar

Let’s jump right into it. If we’re honest with ourselves we don’t like to beg. Begging is a lowly action that’s seen as somewhat scornful and disgraceful. When we think about a beggar we immediately imagine the man or woman near intersections or in front of convenience stores. We picture dirty, ragged, and awful smelling. At the site of a beggar we flea. We avoid them at all costs and we teach our children to never become one of “them.” The issue with this is that we’ve taken the idea of begging to the extreme that we would much rather suffer in silence than beg the Lord in desperation for help, for an answer, for a miracle, or for something as simple yet powerful as, hope. 

The issue with this is that we’ve taken the idea of begging to the extreme that we would much rather suffer in silence than beg the Lord in desperation for help, for an answer, for a miracle, or for something as simple yet powerful as, hope. 

Culture Christianity has promoted the idea of the Instagram, picture-perfect life. We share the highlights of our life with pearly white teeth rocking the latest trends while behind smiles we are internally crippled at the reality lived with unanswered prayers, desperate cries for help, and recurring heartache. How unfortunate that we’ve become okay with this. How sad we’ve deemed this lifestyle of pretense, “Christian Living.” Don’t get me wrong, I by no means am promoting airing your dirty laundry for the whole world to see, however when we rely on personal strength, knowledge, and gusto, we remove Jesus from the equation. The issue with this is that we unknowingly walk in pride that keeps us from falling on our knees before the savior we claim to serve. We forget that the deliverance we desire cannot and will not come from personal strength but rather from full dependency on Jesus. That’s the great exchange that occurred during salvation. With salvation comes the exchange of independence for dependency on your Creator. The sooner we humble ourselves and come to this realization that we must beg and place dependency on Jesus, then can we experience the fullness of God. 

We forget that the deliverance we desire cannot and will not come from personal strength but rather from full dependency on Jesus.

I struggle with this. I like the idea of appearing like I have my life figured out. I don’t want people to worry about me or about my problems. Marriage has taught me that I can lean on my husband and he can lean on me when one of us is struggling. Marriage should be an example of our relationship with Christ. Not that Christ ever depends on us, however, it’s the idea that whenever you are in relation with Jesus you trade your independence with trusting a Known God in the midst of an unknown future. I’ve experienced this many times during my almost two years of marriage. There have been days I am thoroughly discouraged or feeling completely hopeless and my husband reminds me I am not alone. He embraces me not with judgment, but rather with compassion and mercy. He reminds me of the God we serve and nudges me to have an attitude of desperation. To beg God in times of need and whenever life’s going smoothly. This begging is messy tears. This begging is not really for an immediate answer (while an immediate miracle sure sounds great sometimes). Rather this begging is ridding all pride and becoming the least of these. It’s saying “God, I need you and I depend on you and you alone.” It’s easy to walk through each day in the pretense confidence of personal strength, however, whenever we get in the posture of a beggar, that’s when the dirt comes out. That’s when the ragged parts of our lives are revealed. That’s when the awful-smelling parts of our hearts are aired. The awesome part about this beggar posture is that God someone in his mercy restores peace, joy, and a sweet-smelling heart. 

Mark chapter 5 illustrates begging from three completely different views. One from demons, another from an influential leader, and another from a woman rejected by society and her entire family due to an unclean nature of illness over 12 years. This chapter illustrates the powerful posture of the beggar they all have in common. The demons knew the authority of Jesus that they begged. A man who was by society’s standards influential and well-known put aside his societal stature and begged. A woman who was dejected and rejected, scorned and shunned for over 12 years did not lose hope, but begged. This shows that you and I are not too big or too small, neither too great nor too lowly to fall on our faces and posture ourselves before the Lord for help. Will the miracle be immediate? There’s no guarantee, however, I promise you will receive from the Lord what He desires in that time. Don’t be too proud to beg. 

Mark 5

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You’ve got to quit to succeed

My husband and I have been through quite the transition these past couple of months. We started the year 2022 with the goal in mind to try new things, go big, and make risky moves. Both of us have passions and desires of our own and while they may not be the same, we’ve managed to help each other and provide insight, wisdom, and encouragement as we pursue said passions that are intertwined in our purpose as individuals and as husbands and wives. While I cannot say I’ve made major big moves and as a means to not come across as braggadocious (this is not the “here’s what I’ve done blog), I am choosing to focus on someone that I greatly admire and who inspired today’s blog. That’s right, my husband, Jarrod Pisors. 

Entering the year 2022, my husband and I prayed about what the year had for us and we prayed for boldness to go after the big, hard, and risky things. We prayed about the direction for the year and that the Lord would ordain our steps. We’ve made risky steps. Some worked and some haven’t. We made grand plans that fell through and others that fell into our laps without even trying. We are not even through the year 2022 and have cried many tears of disappointment and victories. In all, we’ve learned and my learning from my husband, you must quit in order to succeed. Quit what you may ask. Well, here are the five areas I’ve watched first hand my husband quit as he scaled his brand and businesses: 

  1. Doubts – the underlying reason so many of us don’t even attempt to take a step is that we are stuck in imaginative thinking. Granted, some of our doubts are valid, however, unless those doubts become actual reality, they remain wishful thinking. Some dear friend of ours encouraged Jarrod and me to refuse to be cold timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. Cold timid souls remain stuck in doubt. They refused to move. They’re crippled by fear of the unknown they’ve created for themselves. That’s the first thing Jarrod quit. He quit telling himself he couldn’t and he did. 
  2. Excuses – this exists because we live in doubt. Our excuses are our way of justifying why we choose to remain in our rut. Yes, you read that correctly. It is a choice. When we allow our doubts to take the form of our imaginative reality, they become the excuses that keep us locked in that cold damp cave of “I can’t.” Jarrod quit the excuses and his “I can’t” shifted to “I will.” Jarrod started repeating each day in the mirror “I will…” and his confidence increased with every repetition of those words that started off as a whisper. He slapped excuses in the face and took the bull by the horn. Gutsy? Absolutely. 
  3. Noise – whenever you venture into anything new there will be people (family and friends included) who will become noise to your aspirations and goals. They will be your “You can’t” whispering in your ear motivating you to quit. Do they all mean bad, no? Those who whisper these doubts and fears are a reflection of their own doubts and fear crippling them inside. The noise will encourage you to quit. The noise will tell you that you will fail. The noise will even mock and laugh at you. Jarrod however, in his masculine nature shut the noise by humbling himself in prayer. I’ve caught him numerous times in our bedroom face flat on the ground praying and crying as worship music filled the air. A presence of calm and humble arrogance cultivated when he remembered his why. The noise easily can drown by our why because reality is, that’s far bigger and grander than words that fall flat to the ground that has no bearing on your purpose.
  4. Bad habits – can be anything from spending too much time on your phone, saying yes to everyone, sleeping in too late, watching too much television, or feeding your mind with unnecessary and meaningless content. Bad habits hold us back from succeeding. It takes up precious and valuable space and time. Quitting these areas will ruffle feathers. People will mock you for “being different.” They won’t understand why you’re being selective to events and pumping “too much time” into building your business or brand. Jarrod became selfish. He got and still gets a lot of heat because of his dedication. He quit time wasting and pumped time into his business. As his wife, even I had to learn and adjust to his “absence.” Rather than complain he was always in his office, I joined him. I found ways where I could help and be an asset.
  5. Job – yes. Sometimes (not always) you will need to quit your job. Dream big, so big that your goal is to become your own boss. That’s if that’s your goal. That was Jarrods and is now his reality. He literally resigned from his job. Two businesses built up to a point that could hold us over. He took the plunge and has continued to scale. Quitting comes with its own challenges. You no longer have the security of consistent paychecks. You decide how much you make. You have to find jobs. You have to rework your budget and priorities. You also need to be aware of laws and regulations in running your own business. Most importantly, you become greatly aware of your dependence on God. Jarrod and I have learned to pray over our businesses and to rely on God and not our own strength. We’ve faced hiccups along the way but have made it a priority to not allow the disruptions in running our own business to bring a wedge between us. He especially continues to resort back to our purpose and the why.

Whatever your dream is, move from it simply being a dream to it becoming a reality. All you need to do is take one step. And that one step will turn into many other steps. 

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. 
Psalm 37:3-6
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Lady in Pink

Have you ever met someone and were immediately captivated by their presence? No, I am not referring to romantic encounters. I am referring to those moments where you cross paths with someone or see them from afar and their presence captivates, convicts, and motivates you to become a better person. For me, that’s the Lady in Pink. 

The Lady in Pink wore a business skirt suit. Her shoes along with the rest of her Sunday best were bright pink. Not so much so that you were blinded by the color. Rather, you just couldn’t help but notice. She walked with a sense of grace and pride. The pride she carried was not of arrogance and stature but rather of assurance of who she is. While every stride she took was deliberate, they were also graceful and filled with courage. The Lady in Pink wore a smile on her face that complimented her rosy cheeks. Her smile had hints of wrinkles from the years of wearing the beaming grin she carried through both on the mountain top and in the years of the valley. Her hair curled it’s natural shining white revealing her age of wisdom. The Lady in Pink while short in stature carried a stance of a woman on a mission; a mission of purpose. 

My husband’s gentle hands occasionally brushed past mine as we settled into the back row. We were late to church but got there just in time for the last song before the transition into the sermon. This is when I spotted the Lady in Pink. The lead pastor called for the students in high school to lead a time of prayer and altar call. The stage was lined with students ready and eager to pray. Some of the congregation responded but reluctantly. Mostly those around the age of high school students prayed for each other. The Lady in Pink in her deliberate yet grateful and courageous stride walked up to the altar. She walked up for prayer from one of the youngest students and then slowly made her way to each student that was waiting to pray for someone. She patted each one on the shoulder; a sign of goodwill and encouragement. Each with a sense of courage sparked as she walked and met each of them where they were at.

I was moved to tears. I was overwhelmed at the sight. When I looked over to my right, I caught a glimpse of my husband’s eyes and saw he too was captivated by the Lady in Pink. You couldn’t help but be moved by a woman who by society’s standards has aged and lived a life enough to need prayers, yet she humbly approached the altar and received prayers from someone whose experience of life was short compared to hers. The Lady in Pink exemplified youth despite having seen twenty years over her nominal life of three scores and ten. The Lady in Pink wrecked the pride in me and tugged my heart to yield to submission in my walk. The Lady in Pink opened my eyes to a way of living in confident freedom. The Lady in Pink…. Despises youth not, rather she walks in it.

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.”
1 Timothy 4:12
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Politics aside…

It infuriates me. It angers me that darkness animates you. It animates me. It animates and gratifies this human race. We are cold. We have dark cold timid souls that lack discernment required in knowing when to speak and when to listen. Hardened hearts that fail to see the selfishness within as we are consumed by our personal rightness, and personal angst that is solely rooted in political rightness.

Whenever tragedy strikes we are quick to point our rightness of whom we “believed” would have done better as our leader. We don’t stop and pray. We don’t grieve with those who grieve. We don’t try to find ways to help the wounded. Rather, we shout our rightness. Our rightness is all that matters. Not families who have lost loved ones. Not men and women wounded. Not the church crumbling to pieces. Rather, it’s our rightness we hold on to. Hope is confused with political rightness. Our version of compassion is found in the “funny” memes we post as we rant of the current president condemning his leadership all while we bow down to another man who is neither God nor our savior. Screaming your political rightness at the wounded does nothing other than reveal the calloused nature of humans who are consumed by their own life that they cannot feel for others. 

Our knee jerk reaction is not to fall on our knees and pray for those hurting. Rather we choose a side. We boast how right we are oblivious to those wounded. We become children with tongues sticking out teasing the wounded who have fallen. We’ve become monsters who spit on those who chose to vote differently than we have. We are Christians who boast about the God we serve with one mouth all while we condemn, ridicule and mock the very people we are charged to love. Politics has become our god. Being right has become our god. We’ve lost it. We’ve lost it entirely.

Screaming your political rightness at the wounded does nothing other than reveal the calloused nature of humans who are consumed by their own life that they cannot feel for others…

I will end with this. As angry as I am with myself and my fellow believers, when man is persecuted and wounded fight the urge to pick a side. While I am neither condoning or supporting the currently political office, fight the urge to blame and point fingers. Fight the urge to walk with a hardened heart. There’s nothing new under the sun. What is happening should never come as a surprise. Rather, this is a fulfillment of what’s been warned to us in the Old Testament and what Jesus himself said would happen as a fulfillment of prophesy. Whoever makes himself a willing vessel for the doing of evil, will be used. And whoever makes himself a willing vessel for the doing of good, will likewise be used.

You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.
Matthew 24:6-8

Politics aside, EXTEND HELP. Politics aside, HAVE MERCY. Politics aside, PRAY!

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Don’t waste your breath.

I’ve written about criticism a number of times now. A lot of what I’ve written is encouraging you, the reader, to be mindful of how you critique and how you receive critique. This blog however is about our exchange for criticism that cost nothing.

I was listening to a webinar with Jon Acuff and he shares that our exchange for criticism that costs nothing is vital. What exactly are criticisms that cost nothing? For starters, they are the hate comments we receive whenever we post a picture or share an idea. The criticisms that cost nothing are those that took little effort from the one doing the critique. Criticisms that cost nothing are the ones that stem purely from jealousy, envy, and pride. These types of criticisms that took little effort from the critic are the ones we tend to waste our breath on.

Criticism that costs nothing, is worth nothing.

-Jon Acuff

Too often our exchange for cheap criticism is all wasting our breath. We defend and plead our case to no avail. Why? To simply prove a point or to make ourselves appear we know what we’re doing? Here’s a pro tip, don’t waste your breath. What I’ve learned is, someone’s 10-second comment does not require a 10-minute response. That’s not a fair trade. A critique that took little effort and was neither constructive nor uplifting does not require me pleading my case. That position is neither arrogant nor pompous. It’s simply being wise with your exchange of time. Time is too precious to waste your breath on cheap criticism. 

Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue. - Proverbs 11:12

Solomon, the author of Proverbs, was known for his wisdom. He is often recognized for his understanding of the world. In Proverbs 11:12 Solomon eloquently encourages readers to hold their tongue.

Let’s first take a look at what the first half of Proverbs 11:12 is saying; specifically, the word derides. According to Google, it means to express contempt for; ridicule. Synonyms that fall into the same word group as derides are, insult, taunt, ridicule, mock, torment, and the list goes on. Now let’s get back to the verse. It can be read, Whoever [insults, taunt, ridicule, mock, torment] has no sense. So your neighbor who’s your friend, family, co-worker, social media follower, or even a bystander, when they insult, taunt, ridicule, mock, or torment you has no sense. That’s not to say they are dull rather the place from which they speak isn’t one of value.

While it’s easy to simply focus on the first half of Proverbs 11:12, don’t be quick to bask simply in that. The real meat is found in the second half. Solomon charges those who read his work or the one who has understanding, to hold their tongue. The key is our response to cheap criticism. When we hold our tongues and waste not our breath, that shows understanding. That shows maturity. That shows our understanding in first, who God says we are, and secondly, that which we know we are called to do.

People will always have something to say. Whether family or someone you’re meeting for the first time, they will always have something to say. And while in most cases, they mean well, you will find there are occasions where cheap criticism is given more than ones that matter. If you find yourself surrounded by 10-second, half thought-through criticism, don’t waste your breath with a response. Hold your tongue and keep on with the goal you have set before you. It’s not a fair exchange to give 10 minutes of your time to a 10-second comment. It’s not worth your breath to beat a dead horse. Often those that deride are jealous, envious, and prideful which can translate to hearts that are dead to see good. Don’t waste your breath. Hold your tongue and keep on keeping on.

Criticism that costs nothing, is worth nothing.

-Jon Acuff
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Sin – Not an opinion.

If the Bible calls it a sin. Our opinion doesn’t matter.

Unkown

To some, that phrase may come across as a tad bit abrasive. I don’t believe the intent of the statement was to shut down personal opinions. It doesn’t mean your opinion is of no value. Rather, it’s more challenging the nature within us that tends to bend the truth in order to fit how we think or the lifestyle we choose to engage in. If the Bible calls it a sin, it’s a sin. Our opinion, while important, doesn’t remove the basis of what is sin.

Christian or not, we all do it. We find ways to justify how we choose to speak and live. We try to bend the gospel message or moral code in order to help us feel a little better about ourselves. We tell ourselves why what we say and do is justified. We become tremendously callused in the heart that we tell ourselves and anyone that challenges us that we owe no one an apology for how we choose to live. Christians in particular are quick to bend scripture. We pick and choose verses to side with our belief system. Ultimately, we are quick to hold others accountable, but when we are placed in the spotlight of scrutiny, we dare not be questioned or challenged.

Sin is not an opinion. Sin is understood from the foundation of the earth as a way of living that opposes the nature of truth. Today, sin is masked behind what looks good. It’s actually advertised as pretty and safe. It’s more enticing and appears harmless when in actuality is deadly. I believe it is safe to say that Christian or not, you and I both know what sin is. You and I both know the difference between right and wrong. Either way, aside from sin that’s understood and does not require gospel knowledge to know the difference, there are seven specific sins that are considered, deadly.

These seven deadly sins are known as lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. This comes from Proverbs 6:16-19. Why exactly are these specific sins considered deadly? For starters, each deadly sin stems from a desire for more and the human want for excess. Now there’s nothing wrong with having “more”, but in each of these sins, an idol is created. God is no longer God, rather the grip each sin has on us becomes the new god. These sin opposes and rejects the root of Christianity that is built on love for God, love for others, and love for our bodies. These sins solely focus on self and when self is the focus we, in turn, make ourselves the god.

So, how exactly do we defeat these deadly sins? In order to defeat we must understand what cures…

Virtue cures lust. Virtue that bleeds morality that temptation when it comes, has no bearing. 
Abstinence cures gluttony. Abstinence is self-restraint. It's a strong mind that says no when everything within says, yes. 
Liberty cures greed. That is, confidence or even independence to no longer depend on things to satisfy needs, rather being content with what you have.  
Diligence cures sloth. Diligence is zeal and passion that can only be found when God enlightens and reveals our purpose.
Patience cures wrath. Patience extends grace and mercy. Patience isn't easily angered or disturbed. Rather, patience walks in a manner of love that often cannot be understood. 
Kindness cures envy. In kindness we learn to extend joy for others versus jealousy and a hardened heart. Kindness sees the good and lives the good.
Lastly, humility cures pride. A humbly living shifts attention from self to first Christ and then others. Humility literally means low and in living low it is dying to self.

Sin is not an opinion. The reality is, whether we like it or not, sin places us in a death trap. Our mind and heart space become detrimental when we allow any of the seven sins to have a place in our lives. Lust leaves us wanting more and will do whatever it takes to have more even if it means violating our bodies or someone elses. Gluttony keeps us dependent on food that appears to fill avoid when we turn right back to it each day because the void was never filled. Greed keeps us hungry for what we don’t have and fights even if it’s to tear others down to get there. Sloth keeps us living the same day each day for years. We have no drive to become and be. Wrath controls our hearts and mouth. It tarnishes our character and only brings out the worse inside of us. Envy has no friends. Envy remains the rut of insecurities and shame for the lack of want. And then there’s pride. Pride is found in each deadly sin. Pride never asks for help. Pride cannot admit when wrong. Pride cannot see the need for change within. Pride remains and pretends until all it can do rot in its stronghold grip.

There’s a reason why God referred to lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride as deadly sins. Each of these removes God and places itself as the god. Each of these opens the door of experimentation that it becomes easier and easier to lose ourselves. Each of these draws us further away from dependence on God to dependence on the sins to gratify our wants and needs.

I will leave you with this. Of these deadly sins, have you noticed any in your life that you have allowed your opinion to sway your conviction on it? Have you given any of these deadly sins a “pass”? Maybe you’ve convinced yourself your opinion holds more bearing than God’s truth?

I challenge you… be honest with yourself. Sin is not an opinion.

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I’m not prideful. I’m confident. | Pt. 2

I did not have plans to write a part two to my original blog on the idea of pride versus confidence, but the more I kept talking about it with family and friends, the more I felt the need to dig a little more into this topic. Last week, I wrote on how pride and confidence can easily be confused with each other in terms of asking for help. The concept of independence manipulates us to believe that life is intended to be done on our own. In doing life on our own we fail to ask for or seek help. That is the struggle in pride of doing life.

Pride comes in all forms. It can easily portray itself as confidence, but the truth of the matter, when looked into deeper, it’s a deep rooted issue that fights with humility. One form in particular that I am all too familiar with, is the pride of the tongue. In the physical sense, the tongue is considered the body’s strongest muscle. In the spiritual/biblical sense, I believe it similarly holds it’s ranking in strength. The tongue can bring life, but it can also bring tremendous hurt and agony. The Bible talks on this. I went ahead and listed a couple of my favorite versus that illustrates the strength of the tongue:

  • Proverbs 13:3 – Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.
  • Proverbs 18:19 – A brother who has been insulted is harder to win back than a walled city, and arguments separate people like the barred gates of a palace.
  • Matthew 12:36 – I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.
  • Colossians 4:6 – Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

The pride of the tongue is the hardest to humble. It’s the most difficult to tame. To be frank, it cannot be tamed. In James 3:8, the author states, “no one can tame the tongue.” This is not a means to discourage. Rather, it reveals the truth of the deadly strength found in the tongue. While it is a small part of the human body, it can do the most damage. It boasts, it defiles, it condemns and it destroys. It can also heal, mend, provide security, restore, bring hope and joy. Interesting how a small part of our body can do great lengths of good and can also do so much damage. I’ve experienced this for myself first hand. Story time.

I will be honest. It is really hard to share these stories because it does require great vulnerability into my personal life. I promise I am not this awful human being, but the goal of sharing these stories is to provide some context to how imperfect we can be. Let me first say, I have not tamed my tongue and I will never be able to do so. That’s not to say I am not defeated by my tongue. I do strive to live speaking words of life and salt, but I don’t always get it right. One of the times I didn’t get it right was a couple years back in Glorias Restaurant at the Arlington Highlands. My family reading this will know exactly what I am talking out. To make a very long story short, I was upset. No, I was angry.

For those of you who know me, you will know it takes a lot to get me angry. I get annoyed about things every so often, but anger stems from brushing things under the rug that never got resolved. THAT’S NOT HEALTHY! LET ME TELL YOU! Well, the Glorias servers saw the pride of the tongue in full force that day as I dished out a healthy heap of hurt, condemnation, destruction and bitterness. As the words formulated in my heart and connected to my brain, I put little to no effort in filtering. I let it rip. It was so bad I was shaking and crying in anger in my “rightness.” Prior to that, I NEVER blew up. On anyone. I’ve always been even tempered. My clean streak was over. My dad, mom and brother sat in silence amazed by the filth coming out of my mouth and pride that stood before them.

While there were no “curse words,” the words coming out of my mouth might have well been curse words because I knew from their faces I had crushed them. I remember my dad driving me back to my apartment at the time, in silence. My mom sat in the front seat and didn’t say a word. My brother sat beside me, wounded. And I sat there, in rightness. I was confident I was right. I was right in how I felt and I was right in what I said. At least that’s what I was trying to convince myself.

That day I took a 4 hour nap. I never take naps, but that day I did. I emptied so much that I had nothing left in me. I was weak and hurt. When I woke up from hibernation, the reality of what occurred hours before hit me. I replayed the showdown and guilt overwhelmed me. No matter how tough we pretend to be, when we know we’ve done wrong, our consciousness to some degree or another confirms we “have a heart”.

I remember calling a friend of mine and told them what happened. She didn’t say a word. She just listened to me as I tried to convince her that I was right in what I did and said. After my whole spiel, she simply replied, “Vashti, want to know what I just heard? I heard a tongue spoken from pride.” I was entirely confident my friend would be on my side. Even more so, I was entirely confident that I was in the right. For crying out loud, I was the victim. I’m the one that was hurt. After that conversation, my friend left me with some simple advice. She told me to humble myself.

The first step in any pride issue is first admitting you are wrong. The second step is fixing what pride ruined. And the third continuous step is striving to never make the same mistake again. I did just that. Reluctantly of course. My apology didn’t fix things as I presumed it wouldn’t. It took some time for my mom, dad and brothers to heal. The damage was that bad. The pride of the tongue got the best of me.

Has that ever happened to you? Has pride ever taken over that you confidently say things with no remorse? With no filter? You’re so confident in what you believe and stand for that you believe you are right in your “rightness?” It happens to the best of us, honestly.

Before I conclude, I want to emphasize this. If you are a Christ follower, we need to be mindful how we use our tongues. Over all I believe we all should be mindful, but for Christ image bearers, there’s a calling to live outside of the ordinary. There’s a charge to live unlike the rest of the world. Not in superiority. Quite the opposite of that. In humility. James 3:19-12 states,

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

We cannot truly live for Christ, and live and speak like the rest of the world does. No matter how confident we are in our rightness, the confidence of the tongue should never destroy lives. The confidence of the tongue should bring life, speak truth in love and restore. The pride of the tongue, while cannot be tamed, it can be “managed.” We manage the tongue by making a conscious decision to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to wrath. A lot of times we hurt those around us with the words we speak because we refuse to think before we speak. We are so confident (actually prideful) in our rightness that we dismiss the filter of the heart and spew whatever comes to mind. We cannot easily take back words once spoken. Learn from my experience. I said some things that even I am surprised of. I wish I can redo that day. I wish I was calm and rationally spoke in love. But I cannot redo the past. I do however, have control over what I speak moving forward. Practicing thinking before I speak has saved me many many heartaches and have saved the hearts of those around me.

Have you hurt someone with the words you’ve spoken? Do you struggle with the pride of the tongue? How can you make right with those you’ve hurt? How can you practice managing the tongue?

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Relationship

I’m not prideful. I’m confident.

Honeymooning has come to an end, and it’s back to what the world calls “real life.” Let me tell you, we had a blast. Deets on that will come later. In the meantime, let me share with you something I learned during my one week of being married to my lovely husband, Jarrod. If you’re the type of person that waits the very last minute to ask for help, don’t quit reading. This is for you. I am not the type to ask for help. In fact, I rarely ever do. It’s not that I don’t appreciate help. I just have a hard time asking for it. Asking for help and confidence go hand-in-hand with it each other. Or you can put it this way, help and humility go hand-in-hand. Contrary to popular belief, asking for help is a sign of strength, humility and confidence.

One of my brothers recently told me pride can sometimes deceivingly look like independence. Independence and confidence look similar, but they do have distinctive differences. Independence defined is freedom from outside control or support. Independence says “I got this,” “I’ll do it on my own.” Confidence on the other hand is, assurance and certainty in one’s belief coupled with firm trust in the ability to rely on others when needed. Unlike independence, confidence says “I got this, but I need you by my side.”

Often times, those who struggle with pride view themselves as confident. We much rather walk around pretending we have our lives put together and seemingly perfect rather than ask for help. We much rather fail over and over again rather than admit we are in need of a helping hand. While not always, pride is the root as to why we lack the ability to ask for help.

Growing up, one of my favorite pastimes was building or constructing LEGO projects. My parents were never big on toys, but LEGO sets were their way to keep us busy . On Friday and Saturday nights especially we would pass the time watching VeggieTales and building new LEGO sets. I had a hard time asking for help. My brothers often would offer a helping hand, but I refused. I enjoy the satisfaction of knowing I did it all by myself. Come to find out, growing up that’s not the attitude to have. The likelihood of success is slim if that’s the approach on life. It’s hard to get by in this world without help. No wonder why there’s so many people in the world. If we were supposed to thrive by independently living and doing life on our own then I suppose we would be all on our lonesome on our own planet. But that’s not how God designed the world isn’t it? Whether you believe in God or not, someone created the world. I believe that it’s God. The one true God that is. He designed the world for us to coexist. He created people. People who we have the choice to choose to live with, lean and depend on — or not. The relationships we have, how we coexist and our dependence on one another is a direct reflection of our relationship with God. A lot of times we blame the world and everyone around us for how miserable our lives are. I’ve learned though that if everyone else is the issue and you’re the common denominator, then the issue really isn’t everyone else. It’s y o u.

During my one week of marriage the pride in me creeped out. I’ve been having issues with my wrist and hand as of late and have been sleeping with a stent brace. I failed to pack my wrist brace so we ended up buying medical wrap gaze to hold me over. Jarrod was busy eating a late night snack. Cheese cake actually. Him and I have very different definitions of “late night snacks”, but that’s besides the point. I got in bed and started wrapping my wrist. At least I was attempting to. Jarrod happened to take a break from his cheesecake and turned around only to see his wife, the struggle bus. Immediately Jarrod said, “Honey! Let me help you.” Naturally, I said “I got this!” He didn’t take no for an answer. After my response, Jarrod proceeded to say, “Vashti. Ask for help! You don’t need to do everything on your own. I’m your husband and I am here to help you. We were not meant to do life alone.”

Jarrod and I ended up having a conversation shortly after about why I feel the need to things on my own. Personality has a lot to do with it, but also pride. The satisfaction knowing I can do things on my own gives me great satisfaction. Sadly, it’s not the way to live and not the attitude to have. For those of you who follow the Christian faith you know that dependence on God is important. Your faith walk will lack luster and fail without depending on God. Similarly our walk in this world will fail if we feel and believe that life can be done independently. This does not mean being independent is wrong or a sin. Absolutely not. But when we live life on a pedestal of “I know it all and can do it all” we are bound to fall flat on our face.

I don’t know all about marriage. I’ve been married for going on 12 days now. But what I have learned so far, I hope helps you out. Whether married or not. Asking for help is a character trait we need. Humility is key. Let’s face it, you are going to fail if you believe you’re going to be able to do life all on your own. Some of you know what I’m talking about. Others, if humility isn’t implemented, unfortunately, you will find out soon enough. I promise, I don’t mean that negatively. I’m just telling you from experience. Here’s the thing, independence is great. But when we begin to feel that life can be done all in our lonesome, that’s when we’ve missed it. Life is meant to be done together. Life is meant to be done with people.

How have you allowed pride to look like independence? How can you ask for help today? Who can you ask for help from?

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I’m right. You’re wrong.

We live in an era where “rightness” is sought after. We irrationally condemn those who think differently than we do. The age of accusation has extended to violence on all levels. Social media in particular, has become the platform used to display violence of language in order to defend our narrative of “rightness.” We want to prove a point, and ultimately, it’s our point that we want to prove. I’m right and you are wrong. That’s it. At least that’s what those of us with the attitude of “rightness” would like to believe.

The issue with this generation is that we’ve lost responsibility of a key part of communication. We have failed to, listen. Listening to those who think differently or live differently than we do has been replaced with combative remarks. I’ve fallen trap of this time and time again. Especially being one who has very low tolerance for the inconsistency in the Christian faith, I have caught myself immediately wanting to speak rather than, listen. After making a fool of myself on numerous occasions, I’ve learned to step back, listen, listen again, and maybe even listen some more, before I respond and often a response I’ve found is not necessary.

We don’t hate injustice. Rather, we thrive on the idea of being shared, retweeted and quoted. Our “rightness” has become a means to be “liked” so we choose a side and run with it. We’ve lost the meaning of compassion and responsibility. Responsibility today looks differently. Rather than taking the time to listen and do, we’ve shifted responsibility to making others aware by sharing a story, post or tweet. No longer do we do. We hide behind a screen and scream how right we are and how awful wrong others are in full circle to no end, no change, and just like that life goes on.

The attitude of “rightness” stems from pride. Prideful to admit we are wrong. Prideful to ask for help. Prideful to admit our narrative is simply a means to justify a choice rather than truth and facts. Pride I’ve seen being praised and encouraged by all, myself included, no matter how hurtful words are, how painful actions are and how degradingly wrong the truth we are convincing others to believe is. Pride has become the folly of man. This is no surprise. This very same pride has been the issue seen throughout time eating at the core of mankind making history only a new version of its old self.

James, the writer of the Book of James in the New Testament writes in Chapter 1,

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. [19-25]

In those specific verses, James addresses the importance of taming the tongue, choosing humility and the nature of true faith. Christians especially who proclaim and declare they are followers of Christ need not walk by verbal faith alone. Likewise, mental faith is insufficient. Listening and doing, genuine faith, inspires and empowers godly action. Not violence of the tongue and flesh. Godly action that ignites truth. The idea of being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry is not mere “Christian Principles.” These three key components are vital for growth.

Listening brings understanding, speaking produces clarity and doing allows for change. Change that many say they desire, but lack the motivation to seek. We are stuck in speaking and have chosen the route of selective compassion in listening only to that which fits and suites our way of thinking and living. We have become unaware that we live in moral filth and anger foolishly and blindly deceiving those around us by what we believe. Selective compassion is the new Christianity, pushing only what supports our narrative and dismissing other principles in the Christian faith, negating to speak on other sins because we know very well we are struggling with it and are to prideful to admit it.

Do you, like me, struggle with “rightness?” Maybe you do and maybe you don’t. Either way, I want to encourage you to listen, then speak, and then do. I grew up hearing the acronym “WWJD.” It stands for, What Would Jesus Do. Sadly, overtime, this acronym has become a “simple” Christian slogan. WWJD is the premise of the verses highlighted above. As Christians who strive to live out the gospel message of love, the heart of “rightness” is replaced with humility. That is what Jesus would do. While we see in the New Testament Jesus was not ashamed to stand up for truth and righteousness, His faith walk was never one of verbal and physical violence degrading in abuse those who think differently than we do. Don’t get me wrong, Jesus was pretty savage in his response to those who followed only to criticize and prove their rightness, but He never lacked unconditional compassion.

I’m right and you’re wrong is not the heart of God. No matter how right you believe you are (and you may be 100% right in what you believe or are proving), the attitude of “rightness” is not the heart of God. Selective compassion is not the heart of God. Consistency in the Christian faith brings effective change and this can only occur when we choose first to listen. Listening brings understanding, speaking produces clarity and doing allows for change. Quit mindlessly talking. You’ll find you really don’t know it all. Don’t be quick to share and respond. You’ll find what you’re sharing maybe really wasn’t truth to begin with it, rather it just sounded like truth. Bottom line, the heart of God, for those of us who say with our lips we are Christ followers is more than merely lip service. The heart of God combines both faith and works in His word to produce the the character traits of listening, speaking and doing, in love.

Think you are always right? Why do you think that? What narrative are you pushing? Be careful. You might just be pushing people away from God.