I hate to do this to my ladies, but we are genuinely the worse at getting over drama. We’re actually experts at keeping drama lingering for extended periods of time. We’d instead hold onto a grudge, ignore the situation and rework our entire life around not seeing or being around the person we have a quandary with than maturely confront and move on. That’s not to say men do not struggle with this, however women, just have a special talent to keep the music of chaos going.
Marriage has taught me to pick and choose my battles. It has also taught me what true maturity is. When it comes to conflict resolution I will gladly admit that my husband is far more mature than I am. I’ve gotten better however it’s not my strong suit in the slightest. I blame the innate driven personality that has me hold on to grudges longer than need me. In the past, I would much rather hold on to my rightness than confront, heal, and move forward. In marriage, holding on to a grudge doesn’t quite work. It may feel like it’s working for a while, but eventually, it will come back to haunt with crippling effects.
My husband doesn’t allow me to hold onto a grudge. He challenges me to be the bigger person by walking in humility. Funny how being the bigger person requires lowering yourself by putting pride aside. Nearing two years of marriage and I am proud that one of the character traits I’ve grown in is humility. Rather than pouting and giving the silent treatment for hours, whenever Jarrod and I have a disagreement the time of silence has decreased significantly. Whenever I am in the wrong I’ve learned to approach and admit versus waiting for Jarrod to approach and him having to pull teeth and nails for resolution. The goal is not to cast blame, but rather to find reconciliation and peace as means for the relationship to grow stronger and for said disagreement to either not occur again, or to find a means to come to some middle ground. That applies to both marital relationships and any relationship outside of that.
The greatest test of your personality will present itself in your most intimate moments and circles. How we treat those moments determines how we handle moments outside of those circles. I’m determined to be too lazy to hold a grudge. While laziness isn’t a habit I condone, in this particular area I am determined to be the master of laziness. I encourage you, to BE LAZY about holding on to a grudge. At some point, we need to come to the realization that grudges’ shelf life is actually very short. It has an expiration date whether we like it or not. Most of us are holding on to what’s been spoiled and expired. It explains why we smell so rotten whenever we speak. It explains why the way we live is pretty crappy and reeks pretty badly.
The Psalmist, David, knew not to hold onto things. He had all right to hold on to anger, bitterness, and a mean grudge. Most of us can justify why we believe we are in the right for what we’re holding onto, however, your rightness doesn’t work in the kingdom of God. How you live day in and day out tells a bigger story and is the script that we have on the resume we present whenever we take out last breath and face our Savior.
David writes in Psalm
"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil." -Psalm 37:8
That thing you’re holding onto either has control over you or you have control over it. Having control over it is maturity. Letting it take control of your life to rare its ugly face every time it wants to only brings destruction to your life and the lives around you. It has an expiration date. Be the one that’s too lazy to hold a grudge. Do what is right, not what feels right. Forgive and love. Button line, it’s what we are called to do as Christ’s followers whether we like it or not.